She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
