She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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