You really coming over, don't trick.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
