Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
organizing the empties. That sober.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
