She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
