im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
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Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
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Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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