Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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