he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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