I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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