I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize