well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
