Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
