Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
