i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
