im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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