Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
