No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
