Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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