after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
two words: eviction party
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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