so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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