YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
