Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
