Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
