I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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