eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
