I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
