he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
