he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
