I cannot find my penis.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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