my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
