He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
