My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
