guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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