Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
