Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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