i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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