i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
