Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
