Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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