i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize