and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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