So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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