ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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