There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
