btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
