If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I need to calm my uterus...
not ubering you a puppy
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
