Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
