she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Small penises have feelings too.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
