Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
