Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
