Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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