you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
