RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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