Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize