I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
