Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
