I bet he comes in French.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It's never too late to be topless.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have so much sex to catch up on
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize