do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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