She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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