in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
