I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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