I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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