Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
