omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
